The Main Character…….me

So I guess this is the part of the story where you are supposed to get to know the main character? The point in the story where the author gives you a reason to be interested in them so that he/she can eventually get you to care about them? Well I will be the first to admit that I am NOT a very interesting main character but since you are reading this blog I might as well give you my motivation.

When I was younger my mother and I didn’t always get along. Later in life I came to realize it was because we were so much alike. When I was younger I made a point to do everything she told me not to do, and not to do everything she told me to do.ย  So needless to say we butted heads more often then not. Yet a funny thing happened as I was going through middle school, my mother and I started to read together. I’m not talking the “kid laying in bed, while mommy sits nearby and reads out loud” type of thing, more the book club type of reading together. She would read a great book and tell me all about it & I would quickly pick it up as soon as she was finished and read it as well. Then followed a very excited recap of why we did or did not like the book. Before we knew it the butting of heads subsided and we dove into the same fictional worlds together.

When I began writing seriously in college she was very supportive and openly excited. I will admit that I would give her tidbits of what my story was about but I refused to let her read it until it was completed. I used to day-dream about one day surprising her with a fully bound book, authored by me of course, that had just been published. Inside the cover it would be dedicated to her, she would read it, love it, and then discover that it was already a best seller. I would then go on to inform her that she didn’t have to work all the time, could go to college and live the life she had always dreamed.

My mother was killed in a car accident before I graduated college.

To summarize in words what she meant to me is next to impossible. There is a chance that I will one day blog about all the challenges that faced me after that incident, but this blog is about my motivation. I set my book to the side for quite awhile after that. Partly because of the challenges I faced after wards but also because it was a little too painful. I love to tell stories but my biggest motivator was to write a story that my mother would love. To show to her that all the time we spent reading together, all the lessons she taught me, all the sacrifices she made for me, were worth it.

So why do I write now? The desire to tell stories never left, but more importantly because I know she would still want me to. Sure I cannot see the look on her face as she sees that cover or reads that dedication, sure I can’t sit down with her and discuss what she did & did not like, and sure I cannot swoop in and give her the opportunity to do all the things that she put off for us; but I can still make her proud. I can still fulfill that part of me that loves to tell stories and share different experiences with others, that same part of me that she helped to create & nurture.

So what is my motivation? Her.



Filed under Life, Loss, Writing

22 responses to “The Main Character…….me

  1. Thank you for filling me with appreciation today. Your description of the way you and your mother read together and your dream of showing her that published work dedicated to her? It is something I could have written. I am blessed that she’s still with me as I go on this writing journey – she’s my number one critic and my number one fan. If I ever take that for granted, I will think of this. I’m glad you write on, tell those stories, and share those experiences.

  2. Just Coop It

    This is very touching! I hope that you get you continue writing and one day get your book published! Keep with it man!

  3. “So why do I write now? The desire to tell stories never left, but more importantly because I know she would still want me to.” – This is absolutely beautiful.

  4. That’s a story that really resounds with me. I lost my dad just after I turned 16. It’s like my world ended. I’ve still been trying to figure out if he even would have approved of my writing. He hated science fiction and fantasy, he considered them pointless. I don’t even want to contemplate what he’d have said about zombies. He’d rather I spent my time writing essays or studying economics. My mum is much more supportive. She critiques my work, and is a writer herself. I guess 1 out of 2 is okay, but you’re always left with that empty “what if” feeling.

    • Nerdygnome, if you don’t mind me sharing my thoughts. Fill in that “what if” feeling by completing your book in honor of your father. Although he hated science fiction and fantasies, he loved you and was proud of you. If he were still here, he would have grown to appreciated zombies even if he wouldn’t have understood them fully because he loved you.

      Anyway, keep moving forward and I’m looking forward to reading about your success. For the record, I’m not into science fiction and fantasy either but I would make an exception to read your work.

  5. This is one of the things that separates good writers from great writers. You have the internal infernal mechanism that pushes you and drives you to write, that thing that itches and burns inside of you. One of the biggest factors in reading a book and finding it enjoyable is if the writer had fun writing it.
    It sucks beyond words that you lost your mother, but the thought of writing a book that your mom could enjoy adds a level of love and fun to your work. That care, that heart you put in your work is what will make it something a thousand times more enjoyable to read. That is a book I want to read.

    Finish it and get it published, I want to read it.

  6. Wow, that is so powerful and I agree with Frank, you have the fire and desire to create. Think of it this way, maybe your story will unite a mother and son in the future, just as it did for you. It is awful that you lost her, but I’m sure you are thankful to have those years of common ground together.

    Thank you for sharing.

  7. This is an incredibly touching and powerful post. There is always a fuel behind our writing, interesting that loss so often plays a part in it.
    Thank you for sharing this with us,


  8. As a parent, child, and someone who lost there parents far too early, I appreciate your story… I think you are an amazing person… and I know she would be so proud… she did an amazing job with you! I will buy any book your publish… that is a promise!
    Take care,

  9. Marcie Hill

    Ok, Mr. Main Character, I need you to finish your book so we can read it and to put a smile on your mother’s face. She’s still waiting for the presentation of your best seller. Let me know if you need a writing partner in the process because I am currently working on a project and could use someone on the same level – committed to completion. Keep writing and become the published author you are destined to be. Your audience and mother are waiting for you

  10. Wow–powerful post, I’m glad to have virtually “met” you. I suspect, though, that your mother would love ANYTHING that you write.

    So I would respectfully encourage you to not only write for your mother (what a glorious, moving motivator) but also find something that stirs your own passions. It can be liberating–or limiting–to have someone literally or figuratively look over your shoulder as you write. To sustain the long hard work ahead to completion of a work, the author must first write for her/himself.

    So bottom line, write what YOU want to write–and that will infuse your words with power that your mother would also adore.

  11. Thanks so much for your kind comment on my blog.
    That’s so amazing, the support that you had from your mother. What an inspiration.
    Keep livin’ life to the fullest. Never give up or back down.

  12. jaredbernard

    Talk about high impact! If only my own motivation could be as intensely personal.

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  14. Well if I wasn’t already an emotional basket-case today, this post just threw me over the wall. Beautiful reason for any worthy goal.

  15. Beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing your very personal reason for writing. I wish you much success.

  16. bee

    this was beautiful. thank you for making my eyes leaky ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  18. Rula Mazigi

    A beautiful dedication to your mother. The mind can be a very hostile land lined with mine fields of negative suggestions and impressions. You seem to have navigated those mines well, avoiding the trap of self pity to face the demand of the moment. Your mother, I am sure, would feel proud.

  19. This is such a touching story – I’m sorry for your Mother’s passing. What a great outlet though that you’ve been able to ‘dig’ deep from this tragedy and motivate you to write. Can’t wait to read that book ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  21. Though bittersweet, this post is a good example of how people and events in our lives shape us into who we are. I am sure you could finish writing that book you had started in college, or you could write the book that you have started in this post— and left us all wanting to read more.

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