This blog has given me the ability to write about some of the tough times I’ve had in the past. And those that have read these posts & replied with encouragement have meant the world to me, so thank you.
In a prior post I talked a little about when I lost my mother in a car accident and what she meant to me. What I didn’t talk about was the fact that my little sister was also in the car when this happened and didn’t make it. This is a subject that is harder to write about so bear with me 🙂
My sister was seven years younger then me (I believe she was 17 years old @ the time), and that age difference meant that we didn’t have a lot of time together. It sounds strange to say that as we did have 17 years together but that time consisted of us being kids and then myself being a teenager, which meant every waking moment was dedicated to my own needs and desires. So when I say we didn’t have a lot of time together I mean that we didn’t get to have the relationship that I believe we were on the cusp of creating.
My sister and I were actually a lot alike. Both very much into sports, reading, and writing. Both shy & almost debilitatingly insecure. I have memories of her and my other younger brother (5 year difference) outside playing football, basketball, baseball, or just jumping on a trampoline for hours at a time.
The reason I titled this post, Missing What Could Have Been, is that right before I lost her I began to realize all the ways we were alike. I was finishing up college at the time but the last few times I visited I had actual conversations with her. Not the “picking on the lil sis” type of conversations but adult conversations. I had realized she was much better at sports then I was, better at school, and even though she looked up to me at that time, chances were I would soon be looking up to her for everything she was about to accomplish. So when I lost her I ended up losing the chance to watch a beautiful girl grow into an amazing woman. But most of all I lost someone who was probably going to end up being my best friend.
I lost her nearly 6 years ago and I still struggle with that to this day. I will never know what we could have had, but I know what we did have. I had a talented sister that looked up to me & loved me very much. A sister that could look at me and make me believe I could do no wrong. She knew that I loved her and I know that she loved me. I will always miss what could have been, but I am eternally grateful for every single day I was given with her.
To My Sister, Tabitha Danielle, I love you and miss you.