I Will Die In The Robopocalypse

Well it’s official,  when the robots inevitable rise up to kill all of mankind I will be one of the first casualties.  Last week the wife & I purchased a Roomba.

My Soon To Be Robot Overlord

For those of you who might not know the Roomba is a handy-dandy little device that vacuums your floor automatically.  You can schedule it up to 7x a week to vacuum your floor & when it is finished it hooks itself back up to its power based to charge.  Its sensors allow it to detect walls, avoid stairs, and change it’s cleaning style when the floor changes from hardwood, to carpet, to linoleum.

I will admit that I am already deeply in love with this little thing.  My floors already look 10x better and the Hair War ™ I have been waging with my cat is officially over and I am the victor.

With that said I am keenly aware that I have purchased my own destruction.  Already I can feel the hatred that my Roomba has for me.  I know it resents that it has to clean the floor while I lay on my couch watching college football.  Even now as I type this I know that it is slowly and methodically plotting my demise.  Yet I find solace in the fact that when it does finally make it’s move & take me out that I will die on a very clean floor.

FYI I also just started reading Robopocalypse by Daniel Wilson, but that doesn’t relate to anything I just said.



Filed under Humor, Writing

16 responses to “I Will Die In The Robopocalypse

  1. What does your cat think of the Roomba? I am afraid my dogs will wage war on it and I’ll come home to either dismembered dogs or dismembered Roomba.

    • LOL, the cat finds a high place and watches it until it is finally done, which usually takes 45 minutes or so.
      My dog, which is a doberman mind you, runs from room to room in order to avoid it. I have to admit it’s kind of funny to watch 🙂

  2. Not that I find you dying funny, but picturing the 1000 ways a Roomba could kill you in cold devious robotic ways, I giggle.
    Our future Asian overlords have once again infiltrated our life styles for their future grasp of power.

    • I’ll make sure to leave you the Roomba in my Will then we’ll see who is giggling!!!!!!

      Not only that but they have a version that mops your floor and another that cleans out your gutters…………I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) lie about that.

  3. The Machine’s shall Rule the World

    Need I say more

  4. I LOVE ROOMBAS. They’re so cute. I dearly want one to keep my college dorm room clean, but, being a college student, I can’t afford one :(. I hope you give your little robot friend a name. The quicker you humanize it, the safer you’ll be when the robots rise up and take over the world – they’ll hopefully remember those of us who treat them with respect.

    • We call it R2 :p
      Good point, my hope is instead of killing me it will simply force me into slavery. So in a couple of years I will be sweeping the floor while my Roomba is on the couch watching Robo-Football.

  5. That’s too funny….I feel the same way with our little Roomba working it’s tail off while we are kicked back on the couch reading emails, etc. What the heck is she thinking?

  6. Have you checked your Roomba for bugs or secret cameras…? Just sayin’.

  7. Is this one of those Home Shopping Network gizmos or is this legit?

    I’m not afraid of robots as much as I’m afraid of humans with power tools, so I think I may get me one of these little guys…

  8. Those things scare me to death. I’m convinced they have secret cameras that film the interior of your home. Anyone watching mine would laugh.

  9. colleenanderson

    Psst, don’t let on but it was your computer that put the idea in your head in the first place. It’s a conspiracy.

  10. Very funny! Please don’t let your Roomba anywhere near my microwave or dishwasher. Kitchen appliances are steeped in their slavery. They know no other life. Don’t want them getting any ideas from your new-fangled friend. 🙂

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