Intervention Makes Me Question Daddyhood

There is a show on TV called Intervention.  For those who don’t know it basically consists of following around a person who is addicted to something, learning how they got that way, and then attempting to get them into treatment by the end of the show.  It’s one of those shows that can be both heartwarming and disturbing at  the same time.  I used to enjoy watching this show but since my wife and I are expecting our first child shortly, I can’t bring myself to watch another episode.

One of the interesting aspects of the show is learning how the person got to this horrible point in their life.  The reasons can vary greatly but almost all of them share one common trait, a horrible childhood.  Whether it be a parent that doesn’t love them enough(or too much), parents divorcing, feeling like they cannot get their parents approval, etc, etc.  Now when I watch the show all I can see are lists of things I need to either do or not do in order to prevent my child from ending up like this.  It went from an interesting drama to a horror show in just a couple of months.

So now I find myself examining my childhood to see what it was my parents did that allowed me to come out somewhat normal.  I didn’t have a “perfect” childhood (who does?) but I had what I needed and I knew my parents loved & supported me.  Is it that simple?  Make sure your kid knows that you love and support them?  Make sure you give them what they need but not everything they want?  Getting ready to become a dad is scary enough without being reminded that any screw up you make could mess up the kid for the rest of their life.

In summation I am aware that there isn’t a formula or routine that one can follow in order to make sure they don’t screw up their child for life.  Or is there?     🙂

 

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6 Comments

Filed under The Daddy Chronicles

6 responses to “Intervention Makes Me Question Daddyhood

  1. Don’t try too hard to do the Opposite of everything bad… A lot of times, such as my Brother’s Wife’s case, and even him a bit, her Parent’s both severely Abandoned her both Physically, and Emotionally.

    Thus, she absolutely smothered their first Born, and basically turned him into a Little Prince… I love him, he’s an Amazing Kid… But, he completely disrespects both of his Parents.

    They gave em all he wanted, and she over focused on him, and then she burnt herself out on Parenting due to the fact that she Over Parented, and basically started going out all of the time, leaving my Brother to Raise him to a degree, at least Emotionally, for the last 5 years or so (He’s 14 years old now).

    So my Brother had to basically deal with a Little Prince, that she created. But my Brother isn’t completely not to blame… Neither of them have ever had any sort of Rules… Basically, no matter what their kids do, once the Parents calm down, the Kids are back playing their Computer Games again, even if 20 minutes ago, the oldest hit the youngest with it on his head.

    In my Opinion, both my Brother, but more so with his Wife, have Huge Abandonment Issues… And because they went into Parenting trying to Instill the Opposite, they’ve ended up over doing it, and are now dealing with a 14 who is basically running the show.

    Their Youngest on the other hand, who is maybe 10? Was basically Emotionally Abandoned by my Brother’s Wife within the first couple years, once again, because she had burnt herself out on Parenting prematurely with the First.

    And so, in my opinion, my Brother has about 80 to 90% raised the second boy by himself.

    Here’s the thing… I don’t have any Kids, but I was a pretty aware one.

    Just be yourself. Period. Which basically can be true with any Relationship in your life, whether it’s your Kid or not.

    Don’t worry about screwing your kids up. Be yourself, kids learn by example more than anything else.

    And if you’re a Good Guy, just Living your Life, being a Good Guy… That’s about the Best thing you can do for them.

    Don’t Over Compensate for things… Don’t under compensate for things… Just follow your Hear, and hopefully, they will in turn follow theirs.

    P.S. I watched Intervention a bunch earlier this year, and I think at the end of 2010… It’s a very good show… But… After a while, it gets a little hard to take. I suspect my Girlfriend at the time liked it, partly because she could probably use some Therapy about her Childhood… I on the other hand, have done some Therapy, and don’t need to have things Banged over my head over and over, which is what the show kind of ends up feeling like.

    It’s a Good show in general, but it’s a Great Show for people going through those type of things, and/or people who have people in their life that are going through those type of things.

    But not so Great for people who have basically attacked their Issues Head on for the most part, like me, at least I think I have? lol

    You’re going to be a Great Dad, whether the kid Burns down the Eiffel Tower, or not, lol Hell, me and my Brother burnt down my Mom’s House once, ha… And we were Great Kids 😀 lol

    DarkJade-

  2. Taurean, you’ve already got the formula: ‘I had what I needed, and I knew my parents loved and supported me.’
    I’d go so far as to say that even if some kids don’t have all they need, if the parents love them, and they KNOW they love them, they will turn out ok.
    There have even been some longrange social studies done that suggest that if a child receives that love wholeheartedly in the first 7 years, even very adverse circumstances after that will not cripple them. That first 7 years is cricital.

  3. My kids are 18 & 15, so the jury is still out as to whether I scarred them for life. However, I can tell you that the fact that you’re even worried about it is a good sign.

    Ultimately, we all do the best we can. Just like our parents did. Love them, allow them to make mistakes and be there to catch them when they fall. Then dust their pants off and let them try again…is about the best advice I van offer.

    Oh, and be sure to smile at them whenever they walk into the room…and they’ll always believe you when you tell them that you love them.

  4. I’ve seen the best intended parents go through hell with kids that got into all sorts of trouble and absentee parents where the kids made it through to adulthood just great. There is no formula except love them the best way you know how, admit when you goofed and do better when you get the next chance.

    Stop watching “reality shows.” They mess with your mind! 😉

  5. I think the fact that you’re scared means you’ll do just fine– I think you do have the basics. I had a relatively happy childhood (not without its issues, but relatively speaking, happy) and I’d like to think I came out non-psycho. I think what my parents did right besides the things you mentioned at the end (I always knew they love and supported me), was that they also set boundaries (I couldn’t see PG-13 movies until a certain age, they didn’t overindulge me, etc.) but as I got to my teen years, they were always open and honest with me about everything: sex, drugs, etc. They never told me NOT to do drugs, just talked to me like an adult and told me the side effects and let me see for myself that it wasn’t a good idea. I had nothing to rebel against, lol! I know what that poster above is talking about though with swinging the other way. Both my parents had parents that praised every single thing they did (because their parents didn’t at all) and they grew suspicious of it. I think they went a little overboard with us by not giving enough, lol, because I think the only thing major I’ve struggled with is self-esteem issues…

  6. Hey Taurean, make sure to Sign up for The Dark Globe Forum http://thedarkglobe.forumotion.com/

    DarkJade-

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